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Vol.4. NO.11 ....................................................Pages 12and 13 WEIRD NEWS
PROTECT YOURSELF: SCRATCH N' SNIFF How does a farming
community protect itself from becoming another urban
suburb? Ask the Ottawa County Planning Commission in
Michigan. In order to protect themselves from urban
sprawl, the county is now distributing brochures to
potential new residents with scratch ‘n’ sniff
stickers that smell like...well...uh...er...manure. Mark
Knudsen, director of the county’s planning and
grants department said, “The whole purpose is that
people should not move into a rural area unless
they’re willing to accept and embrace the practices
that happen on a farming operation.” Apparently the
county has been receiving an annoying number of calls
from new residents who have moved into this rural farming
area from the city, complaining about the sound of
tractors and the smell of animals. (Source: Holland
Sentinel 2003Sep17) Antlers
Ahoy! (1985, Montana) Two locals decided to increase their income by illegally transporting shed elk antlers out of Yellowstone Park. The antlers sell for about $7 a pound, and a big set can weigh thirty pounds, making their theft a lucrative venture. The two men, dollar signs in their eyes, thought long and hard about the best way to get the largest haul of antlers out of the park without being observed. Cars were too risky because there was a ranger checkpoint on the roads. Backpacks couldn't carry enough to make it worth their while. They decided to use a boat. Well, not exactly a boat. A rubber raft. These two entrepreneurs decided to take the raft on a nighttime voyage on the Gardiner River, which runs out of Yellowstone and through the town of Gardiner, to minimize their chance of being spotted. After loading the raft to the bursting point with pointy antlers, the men pushed off and began their journey. It was late springtime, so the river, hazardous in all seasons, now had twice the normal flow of water. They hadn't gone far before they hit some treacherous rapids, and the bouncing antlers punctured the raft. Deprived of transportation, the men had to fend for themselves against the current. One of the antler thieves swam to shore, hiked the road, and hitched a ride into town. The other was not so lucky. A week later he floated onto a beach used by local sunbathers. I know because I'm the one who found him, and I was also in the car when my cousin gave his buddy a ride into town the week before. Readers Shed Light on the Antlers DarwinAwards.com Cab Driver A cabby picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you." She answers, "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive." Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me." She responds, Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2 you must be Catholic." The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!" "OK" the nun says "Pull into the next alley" He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child, said the nun, why are you crying?" "Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish." The nun says, "Oh, that's OK, I'm on my way to a Halloween party and my name is Kevin." Kung Fu Lion A rather impressionable student of kung fu listened with rapt attention when his instructor dramatically informed the class, "Now that you have reached this level in your training, you can kill wild animals with your bare hands!" The martial arts trainee took the statement as gospel, and headed to the Melbourne zoo to test his mettle with the wildest animal of all: the lion. In the dead of night, he slipped into the zoo, leapt into the lion enclosure, and engaged a suitable king of the jungle in combat. He would probably have lost a one-on-one fight, but he never got to try. His naive fight plan didn't account for the enthusiasm of the lion's pride for a tender intruder; nor did it give sufficient weight to the possibility that his instructor didn't know what the hell he was talking about. Zoo employees found his remains -- two arms and hands -- the following morning, with shreds of red fur grasped tightly in his fingers. Darwin asks, "Can you confirm this? It's nearly confirmed, but I'm not entirely convinced. Thus far, two readers remember the newspaper report, and a third reader saw autopsy photographs of an identical mishap while training for law enforcement in Australia in the early 1990's. If you have solid information, please Contact Darwin at DarwinAwards.
Krafty Kraft Running Scared of GE Corn FILM INDUSTRY OFFICES SPACE FOR RENT----------SHORT OR LONG TERM FOR MORE INFORMATION CALL ORLANDO VIGIL 505-473-0669
MIKE'S GARAGE Service and Repair Subaru Specialists 1501 Fifth Street Sante Fe, NM 87505 Mike Grego (505) 983-6577 Another Good Reason to Go to College Organic hamburgers
have now replaced conventional burgers in all University
of Wisconsin student cafeterias. Produced by local
farmers and distributed to the schools by Organic Valley,
a nationwide farm coop, the organic beef is only the
first step towards meeting student demands for more
organic food in the cafeterias. “We’re a
land-grant university that’s supposed to be
supporting local farmers and reducing environmental
impact,” said John Hendrickson, senior outreach
specialist for the Center for Integrated Agricultural
Systems. Serving as another shining example of the
explosive growth in demand for organic foods, the
University Housing Food Service said it also plans to
serve all-organic salads, but cannot, as of yet, find
enough local organic farmers to supply their demand. http://www.organicconsumers.org/organic/uw100303.cfm ADVERTSING DEADLINETo advertise in the November
2003 issue of The Sun-News
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Inside This Issue Americanos: Latino Life in the United States…........……1 Another Mistake…....……..10 Book Review……..………15 Call Girl…………...……….7 Cat-Astroph…...….12 Follow Up to Open Letter...................4 How Bush Won the 20044 Election………....…11 Loose Labeling……...……..6 Mommy’s Little Angel…..............15 Naked Lunch………....…...12 New Film Instructors.......……6 North Central NM Events..................3 Objective Science Does NOT Exist Here……….............5 Resolution Opposing Modern Pit Facility........……7 Roosevelt vs. Bush……................9 Solar Fiesta 2003……...........…..1 “Smart Bomb” Technology Moving to China……..........….5 Translations……….12 Unclassifieds….…….7 Use It & Pay For It…….................…7 Volcanic Activity in Espaņola Valley?…….........…3 Who Was It?……..........………10 |
